Dear Parents,
School begins today for Frederick County Public Schools. Wherever you are, if your family is part of this annual migration of the Backpack Herd, you might be feeling a range of emotions: Joy, sadness, worry, relief or stress, or all of the above. If you sending your kids to private school, or taking on the challenge of teaching them at home, you are feeling it too, even if it’s not today. This is an emotional time of year.
Granted, it has been a few years since I’ve sent a kid to school, but my wife is still a teacher and I’m still a parent. I know the feeling. It’s a marker of time, a rite of passage, a reminder that our kids are growing up way too fast, that we, too, are another year older.
If you are anything like me, this time of year always brings a little fear, a bit of regret, and the never-ceasing pressure to be a “good parent” and “make the most of these years!” It’s a lot to bear, a weight that can drag us under. Throw in the comparison game vs “those other parents” on Social Media who seem to have it all together, and it’s a recipe for discouragement. You’ll never live up to your own expectations.
So, may I take a moment as your pastor, a “seasoned” parent, and friend, to encourage you today?
It’s going to be okay. Honestly, it is. Here’s why.
We are all God’s children.
We are still growing up.
It’s not up to us.
Jesus wasn’t a parent and never taught a class on parenting, but he did say something during his Sermon on the Mount that probably landed hard on any parents who happened to be sitting on the lawn that day.
9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matt. 7:9-11)
With these words, Jesus not only gave a lesson on parenting; he reminded us of who God is and the immensity of his parental love for us. God is the Perfect Father. He is the giver of good gifts. He doesn’t expect us to have it all figured out. He doesn’t begrudge us asking for help. He doesn’t think we are failures for not being perfect. He is our parent, we are his children, and he delights in us even when we need help! He is not only working in our kids’ lives, but ours as well.
We are all growing up here, parents and kids alike!
That’s good news, because sometime this year (today?) you will come face to face with your lack of answers as a parent. Your kid will do something dumb or need your help in a way you can’t provide or ask a question you can’t answer or push your boundaries in a way they shouldn’t be pushed. You won’t know what to do, what to say (or not to say), or how to help. You’ll feel helpless, like a failure, the worst parent ever. And that’s before you mess it up!
It’s okay. You will both grow from the experience, and tomorrow you’ll be at it again, trying to be the best parent you can be. Parenting is a long play, and God is a patient Father with no deadlines. So do your best, be intentional, keep growing, but go easy on yourself. No matter what you see on someone else’s Instagram or hear on that Perfect Parent Podcast, you will never master the skill of parenting. That’s not the point. It’s about trusting God and growing up, all the way to the end.
An older friend recently told me, “The first 52 years of parenting are the hardest.”
His oldest child is 52.
Parenting isn’t easy, but God is good. Keep steady and know you are not alone.